It’s a situation many of us have experienced: we know, logically, that our emotional response doesn’t quite match the reality of a situation— but that knowledge alone doesn’t seem to stop the feeling. Maybe a friend apologizes and we still feel angry. Maybe we know we didn’t do anything wrong, but guilt lingers anyway. Or maybe we’re afraid of something that doesn’t pose an actual threat, yet the fear still feels overwhelming.
When our inner experience doesn’t quite fit the facts it can leave us feeling stuck. We feel hijacked by our reactions and unsure of how to move forward. That’s where one of the most transformative skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be helpful: Opposite Action.
This evidence-based skill can be taught to children, teens, and adults alike, helping them regain a sense of control over emotions that feel too big or too confusing to navigate alone.
What Is the DBT Skill Opposite Action?
Opposite Action is exactly what it sounds like: when you feel a strong emotional urge— especially one that isn’t justified by the facts— you do the opposite of what that emotion tells you to do. It might sound simple, but it’s incredibly powerful.
Think about fear. Its urge is often to avoid. But when avoidance doesn’t serve us, like skipping an event because we’re anxious, we can choose to lean in instead. By facing the thing we want to run from, we send a new message to our brain: “I can handle this.” Over time, this starts to shift the emotional experience itself.
This approach isn’t about ignoring or suppressing emotions. It’s about noticing them, evaluating whether they’re helpful, and making a conscious decision about how to respond.
When Emotions Don’t Match the Facts
Emotions serve a purpose. They’re tied to our survival, relationships, and values. But not every emotion we feel is an accurate reflection of what’s happening in the moment. Sometimes our feelings are based on outdated fears, misinterpretations, or past experiences that are no longer relevant.
For example, imagine someone tells you they heard a coworker say something negative about you. You feel a wave of anger. But later, you find out that the comment was never actually made. That emotion— anger— no longer fits the facts. Or maybe you feel shame over a mistake you made years ago, even though no one around you is judging you for it. The shame persists, despite the current reality.
In these moments, the DBT skill Opposite Action offers a way to shift the emotion rather than being ruled by it.
When Emotions Get in the Way of Your Goals
Sometimes our emotional response does make sense, but acting on it may not help. This is especially true when emotions interfere with what we value or want to accomplish.
Take this example: Your boss criticizes your work in a meeting, and you’re embarrassed and angry. A justified response. But if your goal is to remain professional and continue building a strong working relationship, expressing that anger in the moment may not be effective. Choosing calm, composed communication may serve your goals far better even though it’s the opposite of what you feel like doing.
Or, consider a teenager who learns they didn’t get into their dream college right before taking a driver’s test. Disappointment is a natural emotion. But indulging in that feeling in the moment could impact their performance. Opposite Action helps create the space to prioritize long-term goals over short-term emotional urges.
Shifting the Cycle Through Behavior
One of the most empowering truths in therapy is this: behavior can change emotion. When we act in ways that contradict our emotional urges— particularly when those emotions are unhelpful— we can gradually shift the intensity and duration of those emotions.
Let’s say someone is struggling with shame. Their impulse might be to avoid eye contact, speak quietly, or withdraw from social interactions. Acting opposite might mean holding their head high, making eye contact, and engaging in conversation. It may feel unnatural at first, but over time, this opposite behavior starts to soften the shame.
Likewise, someone feeling depressed may have the urge to isolate or stay in bed. While those urges are understandable, they tend to intensify depressive symptoms. Acting opposite (e.g. getting up, going for a walk, or calling a friend) can gently begin to shift that emotional state.
The key here is doing it all the way. Half-hearted Opposite Action won’t yield the same results. Facial expressions, body language, tone of voice—all of these matter. Fully engaging in the behavior creates a more powerful feedback loop to the brain.
Practicing Opposite Action Over Time
Like any skill, Opposite Action becomes more effective with practice. Some emotions shift quickly when met with opposite behavior. Others— especially those tied to long-standing beliefs or experiences— may take more repetition.
For example, a client may feel ashamed about something they’ve done in the past, even after being reassured by friends or therapists that they are not being judged. Talking about it multiple times in a safe environment, rather than avoiding the topic, can slowly reduce the shame. Over time, new emotional patterns begin to emerge.
In other cases, people may continue to feel angry even after learning the situation that sparked their anger was based on a misunderstanding. Choosing not to lash out and instead respond with kindness and curiosity, again and again, helps shift both their emotional baseline and their relationships.
Opposite Action is not about perfection, it’s about intention. Every time we choose to respond differently, we create a new possibility.
Why the DBT Skill Opposite Action Works
Opposite Action works because it challenges the automatic link between emotion and behavior. It teaches the brain that we’re capable of responding thoughtfully even when we’re feeling overwhelmed. It also builds emotional resilience, helping us expand the space between a feeling and a reaction.
For many clients, especially those dealing with anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation, this skill is a game changer. It fosters a sense of empowerment and supports more effective decision-making, even during emotionally charged moments.
At the Center for CBT, we often find that clients feel more hopeful and capable when they begin to see how their actions can influence their emotional world. For children and teens, learning this skill early can prevent years of emotional avoidance or impulsive reactivity. For adults, it can offer relief from long-held patterns that no longer serve them.
Creating a DBT Skills Toolkit
You are not your emotions, and you are not powerless in the face of them. Our emotions are valid and often useful, and they don’t always tell the whole story. Opposite Action is just one DBT skill you can practice. By learning emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and other DBT skills sets you can learn to build a life worth living. Additional skills, like Wise Mind, ACCEPTS, TIPP, and more can be applied to other areas in your life to help you meet your emotional goals.
If you or your child are struggling with overwhelming emotions or difficulty managing reactions, we’re here to help. Our team specializes in evidence-based CBT and DBT approaches that support emotional health and resilience. If you’re ready to take a step toward meaningful change, contact us to learn more about how we can help.
